It's Hard to Not Be Content and Not Know Why
It’s a very hard thing to not like yourself and not know why...
You begin pouring yourself into people to be validated to find self esteem or figure out who you are.
I still don’t know who I am. I know who I want to be and I get super bummed that I’m not that person yet.
It’s like I’m on this quest for contentment that doesn’t have an end destination.
It sounds so corny but it’s true - and I bet more of you are on that same path with me than those that care to admit.
It’s embarrassing and I think it hurts peoples feelings, like you’re not grateful. When in reality, you are, you just know there’s so much out there for you to learn and explore.
Truth be told, I firmly believe it’s all in reach if you want it. I do believe I can have anything I want if I put my mind to it - I just have to figure out what that is. I feel like I am meant for more and was put on this world to change it, make an impact and help people. What I envision is:
I want my wardrobe and home to look like an Anthropologie ad. Homey, comfy and not cluttered. A sanctuary for creativity.
I want to be more laid back and not sweat the little things. As much as I say I am, I want to live carefree.
I want to lead people and help them achieve their goals. I want to light a flame that inspires people to get out there and live their dream lives.
I want to travel the world and experience new food, new drinks, new activities and new countries to give myself perspective.
I want to be more well-versed in coffee. Is there such thing as an amateur sommelier but for coffee?
I want another Frenchie.
I want to be active, to work out every morning and accomplish more goals in regards to athleticism. Maybe it’s a marathon? I’ve ran a sub-two and I can finally do chin-ups. I want to push myself farther.
All of these things are obtainable. I don’t want to hate myself because I’m not there yet, but I always want to push myself to be better. I don’t think I’m ever going to be the person that is comfortable where they’re at, which is frustrating.
It’s hard to be content in a down season. Peaks and valleys. Peaks and valleys! But, when you’re in a valley, I find comfort in surrounding myself with people that inspire me to be happy and successful, when all I really want to do is moap around on the couch and complain why I’m not the person I dream of being. Which, TBH, has been me the past few days.
Cheers to everyone pursuing their dreams, even on the days when you feel bleh!